I don't know how it began...
I don't know how it began,
I couldn't tell you why.
All I know is I hate myself
To everyone I am one big lie.
I push my family away,
ignore all of my friends,
Focus on weight loss
thinking it will make amends.
What was I thinking?
Why can't I stop?
I know I am killing myself
a failure, a flop.
I hate the way I am living
I hate the feeling of guilt
Before I had a life
something I had built.
This illness isn't in vain,
nor attention seeking
if anything its the opposite
hiding my body that's weakening.
I am 22 years old and have suffered with anorexia from 9 years of age. I have been in hospital numerous times, Been resuscitated three times,had a heart attack in 2010, constantly had an NG tube in from 10 -12 years then all of 2011.
I have pushed my whole family away, dumped an excellent boyfriend, ignored all my friends and lost my chance of university.
This illness has completely ruined my life.
I have irreversibly damaged my body - oestoporosis, damaged hair, ammenorhea,scars to name a few.
I'm not telling to show off. that is the last thing I want to do. I am the last person to seek attention (especially drawn to my body), and the photo has taken a lot to put up. But I am trying so hard to recover- I want other people to stop, think, realise what anorexia can really do to you, before it's too late.
I have already damaged my body....I don't want you to suffer as well. If this helps just 1 person look for help, support or the will to get well then I am a happy person. Please don't fall down this slippery slope if you are able to find a stopping point.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Hayles xxx